The Final* Battle
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[everyone sounds like Clay]
Sergeant: You let Sprinkles free, who probably let Spiritus and the mystery person free?
Clay: We just said that like, 20 times what don't you get?
Sergeant: Hang on. You let Sprinkles free.
Clay: Yes.
Sergeant: And we all agree Sprinkles freed Spiritus.
Clay: YES.
Sergeant: And mystery man?
Clay: YES! DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET?
Sergeant: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. You let Sprinkles-
Clay: YES! YES! 1000 TIMES YES! IT'S ALL TRUE! GOT IT!?!??!?!?!
Sergeant: It's all true?
Clay: Yes! Comprende?
Sergeant: Even the part with the ninjas!
Clay: Yes! That was my favorite part! Just shut up!
Sergeant: So you let Sprinkles free-
Kari: What happened to my voice? I can't get into college sounding like this!
Clay: What are you talking about? We gave you a copy of my voice chip 3 weeks ago.
Kari: Well why didn't any of us get our voice chips copied?
Clay: Because your card drive is 2 feet up your butt and you wouldn't let anyone there.
Kari: Well then why was yours copied?
Clay: It's not even my real voice chip. I got it from a guy in an alley at night in the bad side of Brazil.
Kari: Why did he get his copied?
Humphrey: Oh my go! What happened to my voice? I can't get into elementary school sounding like this! Trust me! I applied!
Clay: You can't get in because you need to complete pre-k.
Humphrey: I'll do what it takes!
Clay: Good luck with that. You said that 12 years ago.
Humphrey: I didn't even know you that long ago.
Clay: That's true, but you sent an e-mail to 300 trillion people saying you would.
Kari: But there's not even-
Clay: He made the accounts himself.
Kari: How long-
Clay: 8 months.
Kari: How do you know what I'm-
Clay: Malfunctioning gaydar.
Larry: Uh, guys. Excuse me, but
[beeping starts]
Kari: Is that your gaydar?
Clay: Weren't you listening? It's malfunctioning.
Larry: Yeah. I tried to throw a grenade out the window to the enemies.
Clay: You didn't open the window, did you?
Larry: I thought it was open! Honestly, I had no idea! It looked open!
Kari: Well, I try my best to clean.
Clay: Why are complimenting each other when we should be running.
Humphrey: Can't we do both?
Kari: I agree.
Clay: You guys are obviously stalling for some reason. If you weren't, we would have left by now.
Kari: Can't we run and-
Clay: That's what I mean. Instead of running, you back-sass me.
Larry: If anyone's stalling, it's you.
Clay: See? Why are you stalling?
Harry: This happens every week! We're not stalling!
Humphrey: Who invited you into this conversation Har-
[explosion]
MEANWHILE....
Sprinkles: Spiritus! There has been an explosion at the Sunflower base!
Spiritus: Hmm. Obviously a failed grenade attack. Well then, we'll fight back!
Sprinkles: I don't even think they're alive.
Spiritus: Wait. I just realized something. All our names begin with "S".
Cop: [Cop is a penguin] What about me?
Spiritus: Who are you?
Cop: Just a man. With a grudge against Clay. He littered. And on my lawn!
Spiritus: WHAT!? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I SOUND JUST LIKE HIM!
Cop: I know. So do I. But I don't know why.
Spiritus: That fiend! We must take the only reasonable course of action! We must kill him!
Cop: What? No! I just want to-Wait why am I talking to a soccer ball?
Spiritus: I am not a soccer ball! I am the all-might Spiri-
[cop leans on Spiritus]
Cop: Now I can finally get into the "Dump on a talking soccer ball in the middle of a warzone in the desert" club!
Spiritus: That name is oddly specific. [gasp] I knew it was strange when Sprinkles asked if she could poop on me.
Cops: Wait no. It was the "Eat a talking soccer ball in the middle of a warzone in the desert" club.
Spiritus: I thought it was strange when Surge wanted to eat me. And he never had diarrhea for a month!
Surge: Actually, I did. It was when I said I was having a baby.
Spiritus: Oh. Anyway, I won't let you do it penguin!
Cop: Fine! I'll make my own base!
[Cop runs off screen]
Cop: Go team "Hidden yet obvious sex/drug joke that can be said and still be child-appropriate".
Surge: I like that name. Can we still change it?
Spiritus: No, we already sent it to the phone book. Now come on, Surge! We need to go!
Surge: I'm not going to war with my brother! Disfiguring him like that would like me getting a sex change!
Spiritus: Look, we don't have time for this! Let's just go!
Surge: Not until I have a vagina!
Spiritus: That's why they invented the internet! Now let's go!
Sprinkles: You're not getting a sex change Surge! Now get you and your MALE GENITALS inside me!
Spiritus: We don't have time for this come on!
Surge: Don't we have 2 armies or something?
LATER...
Sergeant: Why have we been staring at them for 12 hours?
Clay: Are you ready? Or are you sissies?
Surge: We're not sissies! I didn't get the surgery!
Cop: That's a darn shame. Because insert sex joke here.
Clay: Oh, that's it!
Sprinkles: Bring it!
Cop: It's on more then insert dirtier sex joke here.
[everyone screams/runs towards each other]
Clay: [while screaming] Why are we screaming?
[bell tolls]
TO BE CONTINUED...