The Mourning Hour
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Clay: Being a robot isn't so bad.
Sergeant: Yeah. Now, you can see through walls, fly, and shoot lasers from your hands, eyes, nose, mouth, and 11 other inconvenient places.
Humphrey: That's great!
Sergeant: Of course, you can't feel anything. And you can be mind controlled like this.
[Humphrey attacks Clay]
Clay: Ow!
Sergeant: Actually, it's more like this.
[Humphrey attacks Clay]
Humphrey: I miss Kari.
Clay: We need a funeral!
LATER...
Clay: That was some funeral.
Humphrey: It became so sad when the elephants came.
EARLIER...
Clay: We need a funeral!
LATER...
[Clay and Sergeant sitting in chairs with Humphrey standing at stand with paper]
Humphrey: ...A good friend, a great person, and a good friend again. Now would anyone care to say a few words?
[Clay stands up]
Clay: Ahem. Tooth pick. Pickle juice. Mexico, toenail, cracker, dinosaur and pronoun. Esophagus, chess board, zombie, and once again, pickle juice.
[Clay sits down]
Humphrey: Okay. Would anyone care to say a few words about the deceased?
[Clay stands up]
Clay: Ahem. A few words about the deceased.
[Clay sits down]
Humphrey: I will now read Kari's will. "In the event of my death by an explosion comma I leave my possessions to the following people: To my brother comma father comma and something else comma I leave all of my pony-related items period. To Clay comma I leave him the official "12,001 Robots" DVD period."
Clay: I wanted the Deluxe Edition.
Humphrey: "To Sergeant, I give you your name in the will AND correct grammar in it. And to my beloved dead mother comma the president of Uranus comma I give you" my thumb's in the way.
Sergeant: Even though I barley ever saw her, and half the time I knew about her existence I thought she would kill us, I'll miss her.
[KR comes out of coffin]
Humphrey: Kari! You're alive!
Clay: How is she alive?
Sergeant: How else was the pirate supposed to get out.
Clay: Humphrey said it happens every thousand years.
Humphrey: Clay, did you really think I had any idea what I was talking about?
[elephants roar]
Clay: What's that noise?
[elephants stomp on KR]
Humphrey: Aw! Now we have to do the whole service all over again.
LATER...
Humphrey: So with the power my thumb's in the way in me, I now pronounce you man and something else.
Clay: This is some funeral, huh.
Sergeant: Yeah. Who's he talking to?
Clay: He's reading the will. When Kari was alive again, she changed it.
Sergeant: So now what do we do?
Clay: Now we have a slideshow of pictures with her with sad music playing.
[shows 4 pictures of KR then an explosion then one with elephants trampling KR]
Clay: Not that many memories.
Sergeant: We should make some!
LATER...
Clay: You think that's enough?
Sergeant: Let's see.
[Slideshow shows 6 other pictures]
[slideshow says "THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN AUTOMATICALLY DETECTED TO CONTAIN GRAPHIC CONTENT AND WILL NOT BE SHOWN" for 15 seconds]
Sergeant: Perfect.
Humphrey: Kari? If you're up there, I would like to say I'm sorry I never gave you a speech chip. And the next time your pirate escapes, I promise I'll get you one.
Clay: That's why she never talked.
Sergeant: Clay? Where are your pants?
Clay: Those pirate eggs keep taking them.
Humphrey: What? There's only one robot I know who's pirates take eggs.
Clay: What? Is Kari alive?
Humphrey: What? No! I was talking about the king of the moon, Liana Monkeypants.
Sergeant: Now the pirate will go back to it's host.
Humphrey: To bad it's to small to see it. Then we could-
[pause]
Clay: Then we could what?
Humphrey: I think I just ate it.
Clay: What?
Humphrey: This can only mean one thing.
[pause]
Clay: Are you gonna tell us what it means, or just wait here?
Humphrey: I'd prefer to wait a little longer.
[pause]
Humphrey: Clay. Remember yesterday, when I said the robot turned off the other robot inside me?
Clay: I think.
Humphrey: That was my favorite part. Anyway, I think I ate Liana Monkeypants.
Sergeant: Actually, I think that robot you were just talking about and I never heard of turned on.
Humphrey: Don't you think it's more likely I cannibalized the moon king and have no memory of it?
Clay: Maybe someone took control of it like this.
[Humphrey attacks Clay]
Clay: Why did I just do that?
Humphrey: I still think I ate the moon king.
[robot pops up behind Humphrey]
Clay: Uhh...
Humphrey: What? WHAT?
Sergeant: It's Kari!
[KARI can't talk, but she mumbles and subtitles are under it]
Kari: I have got to stop dyeing every week.
[LARRY also can't talk, but mumbles like KARI]
Larry: Kari!
Kari: William!
Larry: My name's not William.
Kari: Frederick!
Larry: Never mind. Anyway, I have a circuit to pick with you.
Clay: What are they saying?
Sergeant: I think he's proposing to her.
Larry: Why'd you switch off my on/off switch?
Kari: Why'd you give me a wedgie back in third grade?
Larry: What? Do you even know who I am?
Kari: I have no idea.
Sergeant: This is the longest proposal ever.
Clay: What's he doing? What is that?
Sergeant: I think it's a ray gun.
Clay: Do robots find ray guns romantic?
Sergeant: We'll see.
Clay: Are you sure it's safe to be standing right here??
Sergeant: Positive.
[screen fades to black]
[laser beams fire]
[pause]
Clay: This is the best movie ever!
Sergeant: Just wait for the Deluxe Edition.
Clay: I can't wait!
Sergeant: Alright, let's get back to other thing.
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