Arrival

Chess: Hello. My name is Chess. Right now, I'm heading towards a semi-active warzone in Nebraska. Interesting fact: Kool-Aid was invented in Nebraska. I know. Lucky, aren't they? Anyway, why am I going to a warzone? Well, I'm a bounty hunter. It's what I do. I'm also a stamp collector and professional monologue-er. Actually, I got my PHD in monologue-ing. But then why don't I monologue professionally as my profession? Well, my identical brother Hex takes all the credit, when he knows he doesn't know a fish of a thing when it comes to monologue-ing professionally. There are only two ways I can make real money, and I decided to choose them both. What were they options? I could either change jobs, or make sure Hex is never heard from again. How would I do that? Easy. I would just get him to go in the ball pit of a never-closing Chuck-E-Cheese. Once he goes there, he can never leave. Only problem is it has to be CEC. It can't be one of the low-quality ball pits like the so-called "brand name" ones you order for birthday parties. He is only obsessed with the high-quality ones. Anyway, how am I going to combine both? I'll just wait until some first builds a never-closing Chuck-E-Cheese (hint hint), and then for a war to happen in that CEC and hope I get hired, and bring Hex with me. So, where was I?  Before I explained about Hex and all? I lost my train of thought. Now it's a Hot Wheel of thought. Wait, no. Hot Wheels are even better than a train of thought. It's some sort of low-grade-top-half-of-golf-cart of thought. Oh well. I guess that's enough about me. I wanna hear about you. Wait. Hang on. Nobody can hear me. Just let me switch form monologue to dialogue. Enough about me. Tell me 'bout yourself. Oh, wait. I was in monologue mode. I need to repeat my story. Hello. My name is Chess. Right now, I'm heading towards a semi-active warzone in Nebraska. Interesting fact: Kool-Aid was- wait. Who am I talking to? Oh well. I think I've arrived. Hello. I'd like one extra-large fry please. Not an extra-large container of fries, just a single big fry. Thanks. It sure is convenient to have a McDonalds right next to a warzone. I don't know why they're there, but I'm pretty happy because of it. Especially when you taste the over-priced food at the army food court- and I'm talking to my self again aren't I? Well, it looks like I'm in the base. Wait, should this be monologue or dialogue? Oh well. I should stop talking about it. Everyone's looking at me. I should introduce myself. Hello. My name is Chess. Right now, I'm heading towards a semi-active warzone in Nebraska. Interesting fact: Kool-Aid was- wait that's the wrong introduction. Wait. Why aren't you fighting?

Black Army (BA): It's a semi-active warzone. The rest of the time we have dreams about Spiderman and making Pluto a planet.

White Army (WA): But mostly Spiderman. Oh, Spiderman. Is there no end to your awesomeness?

Chess: Okay. Why do you all sound like me? How- how do you know who's talking?

BA: We don't that's part of the fun!

WA: Long story. Doesn't make much sense. Wanna hear the long or short version?

BA: Around 7 generations after Adam and Eve, one family lost vocal genetics from ninja orangutans.

Chess: That doesn't make sense. What's the long version?

BA: That was the long version.

WA: The short version is "7".

Chess: Well, I'm a bounty hunter, so whoever pays me the most money, is who I join.

WA: Oh, here at the Children's Official Pretend Semi-War Camp of Alaska, we don't use money as currency. We use hugs!

Chess: You have got to be kidding me.

BA: Let's pay him in advanced, won't we?

Chess: No. NO! Get off me!

BA: Well, it looks like you win.

WA: Yeah, but we got the last bounty hunter. You can have Chess.

Chess: Last bounty hunter?

WA: He was Hex. I got to say, you two look a lot alike.

Chess: Okay, well- wait a minute. Children's Official Pretend Semi-War Camp of Alaska? How did I get to Alaska? I was headed to Nebraska! How is that even possible?

WA: Oh, here at COPSWCA, nothing makes sense.

BA: And we say if it sounds the same, it is the same. We're really in Italy.

Chess: What? I was heading in Nebraska! How is that possible? They don't even sound alike!

WA: They both start with the letter "Green"

Chess: What? That's not even a letter! I'm out of here!

LATER

Black King (BK): Welcome to the Robotic Children's Official Pretend Semi-War Camp Visual Recreation Center of Pretend Semi-War Camp Pretend Semi-War Movies of Nebraska, or RCOPSWCVRCOPSWCPWMON for short.

Chess: Well, as long as there's a McDonalds next to it and it's in the same place where Kool-Aid was invented, it'll do.

White King: Wonderful! Now can somebody say something to put us all in suspense until tomorrow? [pause] Okay then. We'll just leave on a dry note. [pause] Or will we?